Lonely Souls

I think people start relationships when they get into college because they want to feel connected with someone. The friends they make may choose not to hang out with you anymore and choose other friends they think are better. They want someone who is constant, and that they can rely on. Not indefinitely, but can trust more than others at least for a little while. A boyfriend or girlfriend can provide a sort of comfort.

But what about those who don't get into relationships? Are they the ones that are more secure in themselves or are more independent? Or is college just a new place that one person can meet another?

I definitely think that people need to realize why they are going into a relationship. They think if they like a person that is the common step to take, but why does one like that other person? What is that person offering that the other craves? Attention, consistency, comfort, good looks, good kissers...what is it that gets someone hooked?



Maybe I just don't understand. I've never had a long-term boyfriend. I don't know if it's because I haven't met anyone yet, I just don't care enough to make an effort to get one, or I get claustrophobic in relationships, but I just haven't had one. My first "boyfriend" was in junior year of high school, a point in time where most girls have had many boyfriends. It lasted barely four months. I needed freedom, I wanted out. So now, a few flings and hookups later, I find myself two months into college. I've found that college relationships go a hell of a lot faster than anything I could've witnessed in high school. Maybe because we live near each other and interact more. Or maybe when a person gets lonely when they start to miss the comforts of home, they go for the comforts of someone's arms.

The feeling of understanding and compassion from another person is enough for an extremely strong and valued connection. It can get me into trouble sometimes, but I tend to base who I surround myself with and my romantic interests on connections alone. I have too much hope in people. There are no good or bad people in my book. I see the best in people, and recognize that they can have a bad side too. I trust everyone, yet trust no one. Maybe I trust the good side, but am distrustful of that inner devil that can surface, I'm not entirely sure. Nonetheless, I am too hopeful. A person I know I shouldn't invest time into, I still do, because of that connection with that goodness I see within them. It might just be the mystery or the challenge of bringing out that goodness, but the common sense of going for the "good guy" has left me. My friends tell me I'm attracted to jerks. I try to explain what I have written here, but every time I'm a little lonely, my mind comes to this. That first boyfriend, and other ones who wish to catch my eye, seem to be good guys, but it's all a gamble if I will feel a connection to them or not. Or if that connection will be enough to keep the attention of a free spirit.

Maybe its not a connection though. Maybe it's just the offering that person has that I crave at the time.

This world of emotion confuses me.