Achieved: Lifelong Learner

So I've quit quitting talking, but I don't feel like a quitter.

What I learned:

To learn, one must outsource. learning is more than observing. its more than listening. Its applying, its creating, its remembering. (Educators: sound familiar? its the all encompassing Bloom's taxonomy!) Learning to remember is a much longer process, and a vow one must take if they can't seem to remember it all. We can only remember seven things in the short term memory. That is why phone numbers are seven numbers. After that, one must commit pieces of information to long-term memory or forget them. That's where the next note of learning comes in:

I'm in love with steno pads. Writing down things I find interesting as soon as I hear them makes it so I can remember more. its like sticking a long-term memory in my back pocket to set my short term free for the here and now. Writing down poetry leads to the creation of life for me. Poetry is the way someone says something, the literature they refer to, and the advice they give. Even if I do not re-read my notes, the things I need to remember will stay with me because I took the extra moment to recreate it. The mixture of things I chose to write down during my silence are very interesting. And from this, I want to make the effort to always carry a notepad in my back pocket.

I am happier when I talk. On Thursday, I went through the day as I always did, not talking except for my exceptions. Though as it was Midterms week, there were so many exceptions between tutors and group projects, that it got frustrating to Yo-yo, as I expressed in the last post. After I got over the frustration of not doing what I set out to do, I realized I was smiling more. When I didn't speak my face wasn't stoic, but it did not have the chance to exercise as when one talks. With talking, I had the chance to smile and be happier as a result.

I notice how my body speaks. So much of communicating is with hand motions and eye contact and such, but what about within us? I've already said that by talking I smiled more, but there was also a vibration felt through my body. With each consonant and vowel, my diaphragm resonates throughout my inner body. To speak it starts with the solar plexus. One speaks from the depths of their soul when they do this, and that is shown in the vibration when we talk. A sigh of relief, a "Mhmm" of validation, a "hmm" when we are awoken to something new: these are all vibrations that stir emotions and communicate more than words.

Ive noticed much more, but these are the major lessons. There is a stronger sense of harmony and clarity in my life, that I am very glad i did it. Though I wish I could have gone longer, as an academic I think this was a good amount of time. I probably will take more days in fragments throughout my life. From sundown one day to sunrise two days later is an adequate amount of time to find clarity in the state of one's listening and communication skills. This will be perfect thing to do throughout life.

weighing the good and bad.

"To live is to be slowly born."
~Antoine de Saint Exupery

Today I feel like talking. I didn't have class, a tutoring or counseling session, nor professors or advisers that I had to speak with. No labs, no group projects. And I realize those exceptions that I hate making are ways for me to release. The build-up of energy for not talking is a part of the challenge. The exceptions are making it harder to keep up with my challenge. If I talk in class to be a part of a mandatory discussion, then what makes that different from my friends asking how my silence is going? I cant just not answer, that would be rude. We just worked on something together. Or what makes it different talking about a project in class to talking about it after class? What classifies a tutor? BAHHHH. I think I need to talk to my advisor again about re-organizing this challenge. For at this point, I either want it to get more difficult or shorten the length I'm doing this.

I miss saying hello and thank you. I smile at everyone passing, but its just feels so different from the chipper greeting I love giving people. And thank you for holding the door?!? Ah the simple things. The how are you's and how is that soup; I just really want to give my friends more than a hand signal.

So after writing a simplified version of this on a steno pad, my friend said "weigh the good and bad". Which I thought was very wise. It felt like he was saying stop stressing about it, and pinpoint what actually is bothering you.
Good:
i like writing things in a steno pad. If its important enough to write, it's important enough to say. Yet some things I never show, and a lot of times I write down what other people say.
I'm slowly learning to listen, but I'm learning its more than the words people say, its the tones, the gestures, the eye contact.
Listening is about remembering.
Singing. It shows me my "tones" of the day.

Bad:
Exceptions.
Especially going from talking in class to not talking to friends. It feels fake. Like my challenge isn't actually happening.
Feeling rude. Maybe it's time to wear my smiley face pin again with 'i have taken a vow of silence to learn to listen' note on it.

There are probably more on each side, but those are the major ones. The frustration I'm feeling from doing this is not from not being able to express myself when I want to, but from speaking when I'm told I need to speak. Though maybe I'm just stubborn and need to learn to be obedient. I'm learning so much, I feel as if I truly am being re-born. Here's a great quote I heard the other day by Mark Twain, "Don't let school get in the way of education." It's ringing true for me.

The Reverberating Tick Tock.

silence is never silence only an absence.

One of my favorite experiences thus far is going to a playground with cowboy boots on. The ringing and singing of all the metal was astounding. The midnight birds sung their song, and the full moon had all the tuesday night partyers howling in the distance.

There is music in everything, and I can sing the chorus. When the car alarm blares I can harmonize. When that annoying tone of a complaining girl resonates over all, i can hum a melody. It's amazing.

My thoughts seem clearer. Especially on the crapper:
its harder to remember than to listen.
its harder to take the time to write and organize than to speak.
Its easier to take a shit than to meditate.

Simplify, simplify, simplify.
I feel there is time for questions and time for just being. I always have had a questioning mind; why this, why that. However, the only purpose in this life, i believe, is to be a vessel of love and light. Most questions can be answered, some through research, some through patience, but yet others may never be answered. The best thing is to remember. Remember what you know to answer other people's questions. Remember your questions so you can ask them at the right time, to the right person. Lastly, one must be able to remember the answer. What use is it asking something if you're impatiently awaiting the A-ha moment. Take a walk through the journey of the mind, just don't forget to breathe. You are a living thing with a dying day after all.

Even Amadeus was accused of "Too many notes"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCud8H7z7vU
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