Regina Spektor, babe, you're my ratatat.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L0bf2YKMDM
Also, I'm learning the Root chakra..
so I stamp my feet
wear red
eat potatoes consciously
sing LAM (lung) at key of C
and sit at bases of trees connecting my roots to the core of the earth.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Waves in the Sea of Consciousness.
http://www.ted.com/talks/john_francis_walks_the_earth.html
Ahhh inspiration.
I am learning to smile.
:]
Ahhh inspiration.
I am learning to smile.
:]
Monday, September 27, 2010
Silent, satisfied, yet slightly scared
"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes." ~Marcel Proust
I have started my voyage today. After a visit with my parents, I bid them farewell then took a midday nap with the goal of waking up silent. Today I felt less enthusiastic about my challenge, which was very strange since I have been 100% passionate about it since its creation. I am a very determined person, and someone who takes promises very seriously. So since I promised myself I would do this I need to at least try. I know at the root of my soul that I'm just having commitment issues to the amount of time I promised for this project. I decided I need to keep that open and the full semester/thanksgiving promise might be altered. It is more artistic that way, to just have the feeling of when to start again. Like a drummer in a band knows to bring it back to the steady heartbeat. So my "goal" is to take this to Thanksgiving or as close as possible, regardless of my hesitance right now.
Sooo, so far...It's already paid off.
I feel like I'm back on my path. You know the feeling that everything feels quite alright and decisions seem clearer to make; like there is a path laid out in gold right in front of you? That not even witches or fields of poppies could take you off for too long? Well that's where I am. So much so I don't even care about the ruby red slippers on my feet because home is in my heart.
That sounds a little contradictory doesn't it? That I am very hesitant but very happy to be doing this at the same time? Well, hmm. Oh well. I do feel a little mixed up. But there are things that make it clearer. And though I've only been consciously silent for about six hours, I've already seen some effects it has on my life. And those little "road-signs" make life a little easier. For example, I came in contact with someone I hadn't met yet, who was also a little skeptic of what I was doing. It was hard to not explain it to him. A lovely man named Eric was around and he stood up for what I was doing, because he has taken a vow before. The man he was speaking to listened and possibly learned, but I learned from him by what he had conversations about. He directed it to me though I didn't speak back, which I thought was very kind. I did say a hello and an okay by accident too. Mistakes will be made with this, but Im feeling refreshed already.
"Silence is refreshment for the soul" Wyonna Judd
I have started my voyage today. After a visit with my parents, I bid them farewell then took a midday nap with the goal of waking up silent. Today I felt less enthusiastic about my challenge, which was very strange since I have been 100% passionate about it since its creation. I am a very determined person, and someone who takes promises very seriously. So since I promised myself I would do this I need to at least try. I know at the root of my soul that I'm just having commitment issues to the amount of time I promised for this project. I decided I need to keep that open and the full semester/thanksgiving promise might be altered. It is more artistic that way, to just have the feeling of when to start again. Like a drummer in a band knows to bring it back to the steady heartbeat. So my "goal" is to take this to Thanksgiving or as close as possible, regardless of my hesitance right now.
Sooo, so far...It's already paid off.
I feel like I'm back on my path. You know the feeling that everything feels quite alright and decisions seem clearer to make; like there is a path laid out in gold right in front of you? That not even witches or fields of poppies could take you off for too long? Well that's where I am. So much so I don't even care about the ruby red slippers on my feet because home is in my heart.
That sounds a little contradictory doesn't it? That I am very hesitant but very happy to be doing this at the same time? Well, hmm. Oh well. I do feel a little mixed up. But there are things that make it clearer. And though I've only been consciously silent for about six hours, I've already seen some effects it has on my life. And those little "road-signs" make life a little easier. For example, I came in contact with someone I hadn't met yet, who was also a little skeptic of what I was doing. It was hard to not explain it to him. A lovely man named Eric was around and he stood up for what I was doing, because he has taken a vow before. The man he was speaking to listened and possibly learned, but I learned from him by what he had conversations about. He directed it to me though I didn't speak back, which I thought was very kind. I did say a hello and an okay by accident too. Mistakes will be made with this, but Im feeling refreshed already.
"Silence is refreshment for the soul" Wyonna Judd
Friday, September 17, 2010
What makes pleasantries pleasant?
How is it going?
1) Fine, thanks.
2) oh my god, I'm having the worst time ever...................
3) well Im taking it one day at a time
4) splendiferously! you?!
5) it's going
There are so many answers to that question, but do we ever truly know how someone else is doing? What is going on in their mind? We use words as tools, but there are so many meanings to a word, good or bad connotations, and so forth. Sometimes one tries to keep it simple(1), but could possibly come off short or untrusting. It's hard to figure out what kind of answer the question asker is looking for. If we know the questioner really well, then the one who answers might be inclined to show true emotion(2), as in number two. However, sometimes its more about the one asking the question than the one who answers, to make them feel amiable, but one might not actually care about the answer.
There are so many ways to feel, but also to misconstrue. I've found the only way to decipher is to check the question asker for eye contact.
A quick look is a disconnected person, preoccupied with their own thoughts or agenda. They're most of times the ones looking down, not listening when you answer, or even have walked by before you can answer. The one's your asking yourself afterwards, Why'd you even ask?
A deep look where the person sees your eye color is someone who truly wants to know. though this can be set up for a person who likes to unload negativity like in my number 2 example. Deep looks are often replied with a soft look, a sigh, a moment to figure it out, and usually a genuine answer comes out.
Though sometimes people do care, and want to hear, but don't have time to. This is where it gets tricky. One needs to be intuitive or know their friends well. This is most when having a programmed response ready is most in handy, for me at least(3+5). I always find myself sticking with certain responses for long periods of time, or for a whole day, or telling each person something different to entertain myself.
Sometimes its all about energy. The way someone asks with the tone of their voice or their gestures, can change a person's answer or sometimes even their mood altogether.
This is what I've been observing the past few days of mindfulness. How is that going you may ask? Well, I'm not exactly as silent as I had planned since the 12th. Being a part of a community like a college, changes needed to be made to meet the needs of others. AKA, my friends wanted to talk to me since I returned to school the same time I started my challenge. I have been waking up in the morning with the goal of being more mindful with what I say than the day before. The promise does escape me however, especially when I get used to talking from being in a class and doing group work. This is when I have more of a tendency to interrupt, talk over others, or just talk for the sake of talking. Which produces a moment that I just want to be quiet. Though its not from anyone, nor from inner suppression, but rather a longing to start my challenge more than ever. I am so excited to organize my life for one more week, then start my challenge like I plan to.
Well, hopefully my post will help you rethink how you interact in everyday pleasantries. For now….Sayonara!
1) Fine, thanks.
2) oh my god, I'm having the worst time ever...................
3) well Im taking it one day at a time
4) splendiferously! you?!
5) it's going
There are so many answers to that question, but do we ever truly know how someone else is doing? What is going on in their mind? We use words as tools, but there are so many meanings to a word, good or bad connotations, and so forth. Sometimes one tries to keep it simple(1), but could possibly come off short or untrusting. It's hard to figure out what kind of answer the question asker is looking for. If we know the questioner really well, then the one who answers might be inclined to show true emotion(2), as in number two. However, sometimes its more about the one asking the question than the one who answers, to make them feel amiable, but one might not actually care about the answer.
There are so many ways to feel, but also to misconstrue. I've found the only way to decipher is to check the question asker for eye contact.
A quick look is a disconnected person, preoccupied with their own thoughts or agenda. They're most of times the ones looking down, not listening when you answer, or even have walked by before you can answer. The one's your asking yourself afterwards, Why'd you even ask?
A deep look where the person sees your eye color is someone who truly wants to know. though this can be set up for a person who likes to unload negativity like in my number 2 example. Deep looks are often replied with a soft look, a sigh, a moment to figure it out, and usually a genuine answer comes out.
Though sometimes people do care, and want to hear, but don't have time to. This is where it gets tricky. One needs to be intuitive or know their friends well. This is most when having a programmed response ready is most in handy, for me at least(3+5). I always find myself sticking with certain responses for long periods of time, or for a whole day, or telling each person something different to entertain myself.
Sometimes its all about energy. The way someone asks with the tone of their voice or their gestures, can change a person's answer or sometimes even their mood altogether.
This is what I've been observing the past few days of mindfulness. How is that going you may ask? Well, I'm not exactly as silent as I had planned since the 12th. Being a part of a community like a college, changes needed to be made to meet the needs of others. AKA, my friends wanted to talk to me since I returned to school the same time I started my challenge. I have been waking up in the morning with the goal of being more mindful with what I say than the day before. The promise does escape me however, especially when I get used to talking from being in a class and doing group work. This is when I have more of a tendency to interrupt, talk over others, or just talk for the sake of talking. Which produces a moment that I just want to be quiet. Though its not from anyone, nor from inner suppression, but rather a longing to start my challenge more than ever. I am so excited to organize my life for one more week, then start my challenge like I plan to.
Well, hopefully my post will help you rethink how you interact in everyday pleasantries. For now….Sayonara!
Saturday, September 11, 2010
The Night Before...
...the BIG CHALLENGE.
And I'm excited.
Nay,
I'm...EXCITED!!!
I am beginning a vow of silence, but since no one can ever shut me up, for I am too firey, it has been re-named a "Vow of Learning to Listen".
Here are some rules I am following:
1. i am an academic. first and foremost, i need to keep this in mind. If I need to nix the whole thing and go to school, because that is the most important.
2. Gumby. Have a Plan but be flexible. I've been enjoying saying lately, "don't be grumpy be gumby". If I need to participate more than I would have liked to when I first thought of this challenge to pass a class, so be it. The point of this is to learn so I can teach better. Well, this is the biggest point of my experiment.
3. tutors. The way I envisioned this happening from that fateful Thursday hammockday creation is to have a one hour of tutor per course I am taking. some classes will take less, some will be more, but just something weekly to check up with the teacher and/or student tutor on how I am doing academically. I will talk during this time, but mostly questions, and striving for complete mindfulness while doing so.
4. singing. I do want to improve musically, so I will sing periodically.
5. Blogging. I will update this frequently also, so to let all my friends and family know how I am doing. Also any changes to the plan will be documented for I want to be flexible to changes, but stern in what I want to do. I will meditate thoroughly on each decision, and maybe consult Thoreau too :] (with his rules of mile from town "wilderness living" and visitors and all...but still a great man, nonetheless)
6. Reasons: there are many reasons why I want to do this but here are a few, not really in any order, that I've seen so far:
one: so to be a better teacher. to understand the ones who can't express themselves easily or are suppressed in any way.
two: to learn to listen, I've been so loud my whole life. and when I'm not loud I'm thinking loudly. I have perceived myself to have been observant this whole time, but my guess is that it is mostly clues; not truly and simply listening to life around me.
three: to learn better. because of the reason above I have considered myself to possibly have auditory processing disorder because I can never remember what the teacher has said, and many symptoms of the disorder. However, maybe I can avoid ever having to be formally diagnosed with the disorder if I can simply learn to listen.
four: to transcend negativity. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. things i think might currently have negative connotations: my school's reputation, the rep of americans and their gluttonous ways, choosing a spiritual choice over a more "logical" one. among others, but I think these are things I can work toward changing. I have high aspirations.
7. exceptions: Within the next two weeks, (see calendar below) speak to whoever I need to to do this, Student Senates, Advisors, Deans, Profs, Directors, whoevers. Set up a support staff of a few people I can talk to to keep sanity-> one therapist-like person, two advisors, one person I can just tell past stories to so on so forth. I will organize this vague part by the 30th.
Calendar: September 12-start vow. That Sunday until October-organize and explain, talk only when I need to either. October until December- as quiet as decided on September 30th. 5days before or after Thanksgiving: No communication whatsoever as Friend Ben told me. Break fast on Thanksgiving. December 17-Break for Christmas break. re-evaluate how smoothly my school worked with me, do it the same way for the next semester. Talk when school lets out! Be mindful for the rest of my life!
In the words a beloved friend, Will write more later!
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