Achieved: Lifelong Learner

So I've quit quitting talking, but I don't feel like a quitter.

What I learned:

To learn, one must outsource. learning is more than observing. its more than listening. Its applying, its creating, its remembering. (Educators: sound familiar? its the all encompassing Bloom's taxonomy!) Learning to remember is a much longer process, and a vow one must take if they can't seem to remember it all. We can only remember seven things in the short term memory. That is why phone numbers are seven numbers. After that, one must commit pieces of information to long-term memory or forget them. That's where the next note of learning comes in:

I'm in love with steno pads. Writing down things I find interesting as soon as I hear them makes it so I can remember more. its like sticking a long-term memory in my back pocket to set my short term free for the here and now. Writing down poetry leads to the creation of life for me. Poetry is the way someone says something, the literature they refer to, and the advice they give. Even if I do not re-read my notes, the things I need to remember will stay with me because I took the extra moment to recreate it. The mixture of things I chose to write down during my silence are very interesting. And from this, I want to make the effort to always carry a notepad in my back pocket.

I am happier when I talk. On Thursday, I went through the day as I always did, not talking except for my exceptions. Though as it was Midterms week, there were so many exceptions between tutors and group projects, that it got frustrating to Yo-yo, as I expressed in the last post. After I got over the frustration of not doing what I set out to do, I realized I was smiling more. When I didn't speak my face wasn't stoic, but it did not have the chance to exercise as when one talks. With talking, I had the chance to smile and be happier as a result.

I notice how my body speaks. So much of communicating is with hand motions and eye contact and such, but what about within us? I've already said that by talking I smiled more, but there was also a vibration felt through my body. With each consonant and vowel, my diaphragm resonates throughout my inner body. To speak it starts with the solar plexus. One speaks from the depths of their soul when they do this, and that is shown in the vibration when we talk. A sigh of relief, a "Mhmm" of validation, a "hmm" when we are awoken to something new: these are all vibrations that stir emotions and communicate more than words.

Ive noticed much more, but these are the major lessons. There is a stronger sense of harmony and clarity in my life, that I am very glad i did it. Though I wish I could have gone longer, as an academic I think this was a good amount of time. I probably will take more days in fragments throughout my life. From sundown one day to sunrise two days later is an adequate amount of time to find clarity in the state of one's listening and communication skills. This will be perfect thing to do throughout life.

weighing the good and bad.

"To live is to be slowly born."
~Antoine de Saint Exupery

Today I feel like talking. I didn't have class, a tutoring or counseling session, nor professors or advisers that I had to speak with. No labs, no group projects. And I realize those exceptions that I hate making are ways for me to release. The build-up of energy for not talking is a part of the challenge. The exceptions are making it harder to keep up with my challenge. If I talk in class to be a part of a mandatory discussion, then what makes that different from my friends asking how my silence is going? I cant just not answer, that would be rude. We just worked on something together. Or what makes it different talking about a project in class to talking about it after class? What classifies a tutor? BAHHHH. I think I need to talk to my advisor again about re-organizing this challenge. For at this point, I either want it to get more difficult or shorten the length I'm doing this.

I miss saying hello and thank you. I smile at everyone passing, but its just feels so different from the chipper greeting I love giving people. And thank you for holding the door?!? Ah the simple things. The how are you's and how is that soup; I just really want to give my friends more than a hand signal.

So after writing a simplified version of this on a steno pad, my friend said "weigh the good and bad". Which I thought was very wise. It felt like he was saying stop stressing about it, and pinpoint what actually is bothering you.
Good:
i like writing things in a steno pad. If its important enough to write, it's important enough to say. Yet some things I never show, and a lot of times I write down what other people say.
I'm slowly learning to listen, but I'm learning its more than the words people say, its the tones, the gestures, the eye contact.
Listening is about remembering.
Singing. It shows me my "tones" of the day.

Bad:
Exceptions.
Especially going from talking in class to not talking to friends. It feels fake. Like my challenge isn't actually happening.
Feeling rude. Maybe it's time to wear my smiley face pin again with 'i have taken a vow of silence to learn to listen' note on it.

There are probably more on each side, but those are the major ones. The frustration I'm feeling from doing this is not from not being able to express myself when I want to, but from speaking when I'm told I need to speak. Though maybe I'm just stubborn and need to learn to be obedient. I'm learning so much, I feel as if I truly am being re-born. Here's a great quote I heard the other day by Mark Twain, "Don't let school get in the way of education." It's ringing true for me.

The Reverberating Tick Tock.

silence is never silence only an absence.

One of my favorite experiences thus far is going to a playground with cowboy boots on. The ringing and singing of all the metal was astounding. The midnight birds sung their song, and the full moon had all the tuesday night partyers howling in the distance.

There is music in everything, and I can sing the chorus. When the car alarm blares I can harmonize. When that annoying tone of a complaining girl resonates over all, i can hum a melody. It's amazing.

My thoughts seem clearer. Especially on the crapper:
its harder to remember than to listen.
its harder to take the time to write and organize than to speak.
Its easier to take a shit than to meditate.

Simplify, simplify, simplify.
I feel there is time for questions and time for just being. I always have had a questioning mind; why this, why that. However, the only purpose in this life, i believe, is to be a vessel of love and light. Most questions can be answered, some through research, some through patience, but yet others may never be answered. The best thing is to remember. Remember what you know to answer other people's questions. Remember your questions so you can ask them at the right time, to the right person. Lastly, one must be able to remember the answer. What use is it asking something if you're impatiently awaiting the A-ha moment. Take a walk through the journey of the mind, just don't forget to breathe. You are a living thing with a dying day after all.

Even Amadeus was accused of "Too many notes"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCud8H7z7vU
<3

Consequence of Sound

Regina Spektor, babe, you're my ratatat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L0bf2YKMDM

Also, I'm learning the Root chakra..
so I stamp my feet
wear red
eat potatoes consciously
sing LAM (lung) at key of C
and sit at bases of trees connecting my roots to the core of the earth.

Waves in the Sea of Consciousness.

http://www.ted.com/talks/john_francis_walks_the_earth.html

Ahhh inspiration.
I am learning to smile.
:]

Silent, satisfied, yet slightly scared

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes." ~Marcel Proust

I have started my voyage today. After a visit with my parents, I bid them farewell then took a midday nap with the goal of waking up silent. Today I felt less enthusiastic about my challenge, which was very strange since I have been 100% passionate about it since its creation. I am a very determined person, and someone who takes promises very seriously. So since I promised myself I would do this I need to at least try. I know at the root of my soul that I'm just having commitment issues to the amount of time I promised for this project. I decided I need to keep that open and the full semester/thanksgiving promise might be altered. It is more artistic that way, to just have the feeling of when to start again. Like a drummer in a band knows to bring it back to the steady heartbeat. So my "goal" is to take this to Thanksgiving or as close as possible, regardless of my hesitance right now.

Sooo, so far...It's already paid off.
I feel like I'm back on my path. You know the feeling that everything feels quite alright and decisions seem clearer to make; like there is a path laid out in gold right in front of you? That not even witches or fields of poppies could take you off for too long? Well that's where I am. So much so I don't even care about the ruby red slippers on my feet because home is in my heart.

That sounds a little contradictory doesn't it? That I am very hesitant but very happy to be doing this at the same time? Well, hmm. Oh well. I do feel a little mixed up. But there are things that make it clearer. And though I've only been consciously silent for about six hours, I've already seen some effects it has on my life. And those little "road-signs" make life a little easier. For example, I came in contact with someone I hadn't met yet, who was also a little skeptic of what I was doing. It was hard to not explain it to him. A lovely man named Eric was around and he stood up for what I was doing, because he has taken a vow before. The man he was speaking to listened and possibly learned, but I learned from him by what he had conversations about. He directed it to me though I didn't speak back, which I thought was very kind. I did say a hello and an okay by accident too. Mistakes will be made with this, but Im feeling refreshed already.

"Silence is refreshment for the soul" Wyonna Judd

What makes pleasantries pleasant?

How is it going?

1) Fine, thanks.
2) oh my god, I'm having the worst time ever...................
3) well Im taking it one day at a time
4) splendiferously! you?!
5) it's going

There are so many answers to that question, but do we ever truly know how someone else is doing? What is going on in their mind? We use words as tools, but there are so many meanings to a word, good or bad connotations, and so forth. Sometimes one tries to keep it simple(1), but could possibly come off short or untrusting. It's hard to figure out what kind of answer the question asker is looking for. If we know the questioner really well, then the one who answers might be inclined to show true emotion(2), as in number two. However, sometimes its more about the one asking the question than the one who answers, to make them feel amiable, but one might not actually care about the answer.

There are so many ways to feel, but also to misconstrue. I've found the only way to decipher is to check the question asker for eye contact.
A quick look is a disconnected person, preoccupied with their own thoughts or agenda. They're most of times the ones looking down, not listening when you answer, or even have walked by before you can answer. The one's your asking yourself afterwards, Why'd you even ask?
A deep look where the person sees your eye color is someone who truly wants to know. though this can be set up for a person who likes to unload negativity like in my number 2 example. Deep looks are often replied with a soft look, a sigh, a moment to figure it out, and usually a genuine answer comes out.
Though sometimes people do care, and want to hear, but don't have time to. This is where it gets tricky. One needs to be intuitive or know their friends well. This is most when having a programmed response ready is most in handy, for me at least(3+5). I always find myself sticking with certain responses for long periods of time, or for a whole day, or telling each person something different to entertain myself.
Sometimes its all about energy. The way someone asks with the tone of their voice or their gestures, can change a person's answer or sometimes even their mood altogether.

This is what I've been observing the past few days of mindfulness. How is that going you may ask? Well, I'm not exactly as silent as I had planned since the 12th. Being a part of a community like a college, changes needed to be made to meet the needs of others. AKA, my friends wanted to talk to me since I returned to school the same time I started my challenge. I have been waking up in the morning with the goal of being more mindful with what I say than the day before. The promise does escape me however, especially when I get used to talking from being in a class and doing group work. This is when I have more of a tendency to interrupt, talk over others, or just talk for the sake of talking. Which produces a moment that I just want to be quiet. Though its not from anyone, nor from inner suppression, but rather a longing to start my challenge more than ever. I am so excited to organize my life for one more week, then start my challenge like I plan to.

Well, hopefully my post will help you rethink how you interact in everyday pleasantries. For now….Sayonara!